just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
