she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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