She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
