I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
