i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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