My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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