I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
