Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
