i think my mom watched the whole time
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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