he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
