ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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