I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
