My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
