I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
