Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
