We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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