It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
