you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Send help, water and tortillas.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
