so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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