i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
