I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
