It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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