"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
