A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
