I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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