I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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