You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
