he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
