you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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