did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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