just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
