I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
