I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
did i just pee glitter
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
