Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
