are you still at the devil's house?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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