They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
