Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
