i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
