I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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