I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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