Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize