ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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