p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How does one acquire holy water?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
