Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
