Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
