hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
