Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
