Little spoons don't ask big questions
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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