Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
no you cant smoke seaweed
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
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