I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
