everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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