I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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