He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
