These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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