Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
