so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
