I got chris browned last night
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
