we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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