I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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