ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
