She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
