Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
