I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
