You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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