He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
