Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
