I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
