And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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