my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
