I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
