At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
