you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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