i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
