if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
