If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
