covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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